Choose Joy

This past year has been a year of healing, a year of growing, a year of finding myself once again.  With many changes in my life, it was hard to find happiness in the things I once found joy in.

An acquaintance from college reminded me of what I was missing.  Sara Frankl, while I didn't know her well, was a person of compassion and love, the most beautiful singer I have ever met, and a true daughter of God.  Her story is here in her blog below:

http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/

It's a story of true character showing through the very awful circumstance life can throw at a person, and yet she persevered.  I cannot imagine the pain her body put her through, her heartache, and her life here on Earth as the debilitating disease physically destroyed her body.   It literally took everything a person could have.  However, it didn't break her spirit or her will. 

Instead she chose joy. It was remarkable how Sara, despite her physical pain and ailments, was the most positive and optimistic person I have ever known.  Sara passed away this past spring, but her legacy continues on through her family, her friends, and even complete strangers who, like myself, have been moved by her life and her story.  

Sara left with me something I didn't know how to convey and implement into my own, this new thinking, and then I had dinner with my friend, Emily, at our favorite restaurant this past summer.  After the main course, I received a fortune cookie, and when I opened it, this was what I discovered:

"To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with."

The poster my students see every day when they enter my classroom.

I knew God (and Sara) were speaking to me at that very moment to make a choice.  It is a part of my thinking, my gratitude to God, and even a part of my professional life as you walk into my classroom today.  Choosing joy, while some days are difficult to face with the obstacles and negativity that come my way, has been one of the best decisions I've made, and it will always be a part of who I am, thanks, in part, to Sara for reminding me of what I really need to look for, to choose, to share, and to live joy.

26.2 Mile Journey

The exhaustion finally hit me after 26.2 miles!

I finished my first (and probably my last) marathon this past Sunday in Phoenix, Arizona.  It seems almost surreal and impossible that I ran 26.2 miles in 4 hours, 43 minutes, and 5 seconds just seven days ago, but I did, and I know I can do anything because of accomplishing this huge feat in my life.

I remember a lot of the pain, the numbness in my feet for about nine miles of the race, the soreness of my ankles, knees, and hip joints afterwards, the feeling of being thirsty all the time, the people passing by me and me passing runners and walkers alike, the thought of being on top of the world, and the sheer exhaustion after finishing that marathon.  However, the thing I remember the most is not the mileage I added to my tennis shoes or the pain I endured, but the small snippet of a moment I will share with you below:

Coming up on Mile 3 and seeing my fan club!

I scanned the sidelines for a familiar face in this foreign city.  At first, it was just a mix of men, children, and women, cheering on their friends, wives, husbands, or children.  I almost gave up looking, but as I neared Mile 3, I could see my mom and my godparents, Uncle Bill and Aunt Rita, coming into view.  They were taking pictures and rooting for my continued success even if I had only completed just a 11 percent of the race.




As I approached them, my pace quickened, even though my muscles were screaming at me, to stop this agony I was putting my body through.  However, the sight of my family made my adrenaline surge and my spirit soar.

Miles 3 of the 26.2 mile journey

As soon as I had passed my family, my supporters, my fan club, tears suddenly welled up in my eyes. I began to cry, almost to the point of sobbing.   I gained my composure as quickly as I had lost it, and as I wiped away those tears from behind my sunglasses, I felt a  feeling of love overwhelm my entire body.  Words cannot even describe the emotions coursing through my veins or the thoughts running through my head.  All I know is that even if I did fail with this endeavour, I knew I would be loved and supported and accepted, no matter the outcome of that 26.2 mile race.

Peace

My emotions, my spirituality, my physical health, my relationships have been topsy-turvey and not really stable at all for the last two years.  I always felt my life was out of sorts, that I couldn't control any of it. Many wonderful things have come my way, but I was blinded by the bad and terrible things that happened to me or to others I love; it sent not only my emotions spiraling downward but also my faith.  It has been a roller coaster of events and circumstances that have tested every aspect of my patience, strength, and my belief that God is our advocate, not our enemy.

And then for the first time in four years, I felt a sense of peace.  As I awaited for midnight mass to begin this past Christmas Eve, the church was filling fast amid the chaos and the prelude music.   I felt the Holy Spirit, and the peace that was given to me was different than other times I have felt the presence.  It was a peace of "even though you're not in control of any of your life, everything will turn out just fine, and your heart's desires will be given to you, in my time, not yours."

Friends had told me about this kind of peace, this sense of fulfillment, but I never could fathom what they were talking about for years.  That night and throughout the rest of the week, I truly felt that God had my back, and He will make sure that wherever my path will lead that He will be the stronghold, the constant in my life that will never fail me.  I no longer feel that I need a relationship with a man in order to be happy or to be fulfilled by any means.  The last few weeks (and throughout these past few years), I have been truly blessed and fulfilled with loving friends who are my family to me when I am not able to have my family by my side.  And my own family has been a strong support for me from a distance when I have needed it the most.  It is only now that I have made the realization that these people are my stronghold here on Earth, my constant.  They bring me true joy, happiness, and fulfillment in the best of times and the worst of times.  They are God represented here on Earth for me.

Reflecting back on not just this past year, but the last few years, I've come to acknowledge that I can't be happy merely on dreams or wishes; I must relish in the present with the people that are with me every day of my life.  I must accept the current reality I face and live in the present moment and not worry about what the future may hold for me.  I can't waste my time on living in the future (or as I have done for so long, living in the past) when I should be living in the present, the here and now.

So, to 2012!  May this year be a fresh beginning not only for the next 366 days but for a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment!  May it be a beacon of hope, and may hope feed my soul with love and peace.