Not Alive

Here's a poem from October 5, 2008, I found in one of my old notebooks that I wanted to share.  I'm not in that same state but feeling a little "numb" as the poem mentions.

I feel numb at the moment;
I alive but not living.
I cannot know what true happiness is
Because it's not present.


Take away the coldness in my heart,
The hurt and angst and pain.
Take all the memories
That cause my heart to bleed everyday.


I do not know what I live for
As I go through each day mondane.
The viciousness tears at my soul and heart
To never be fully joyful again.


Life will slowly go on
As it does everyday,
But there will always be a sadness to my heart
That will never go away.

Beacon of Hope

Something I've written tonight as a reflection of the last few months and the perceptions life has for me right now.  I've been needing to write something down, but I haven't been able to put it into words until tonight.

Beacon of Hope

All stories need one element.
It is not a happy ending
Or a villain
Or a damsel in distress
Or even a hero to save the day.

It needs hope,
Wants hope,
Craves hope,
Something my story does not have.

Without it,
There is no want of life,
No want of joy,
No want of love.

Instead there is despair and heartache
And with it a want of sadness,
A want of misery,
A want of pain
Because that is all that seems to be present
In my story.

Hope seems obsolete and non-existent,
Distant and far
Like the deepest and darkest depths of the seas
And the highest summits of the earth.
It's too far out of my reach.

To grasp
And hold
And keep.
To anchor it to my heart
For eternity.

All I want is hope,
For it to permeate my soul,
So there can be joy, life, and love.
That is my prayer, Lord.